You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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