from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
