I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize