I'm jealous of your bromance
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
