I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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