remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
