dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize