I faked an abortion last night.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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