Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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