you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
