This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
