Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
