I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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