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Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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