i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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