well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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