Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
