just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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