Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
