We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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