I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
