my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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