Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
