I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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