u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
