My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There are leaves in my underwear?
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