is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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