we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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