Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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