Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
