I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
