dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
