First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All the doctor said was why
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
