if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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