I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
