maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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