I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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