thus making me awesome and them whores
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize