I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What drink are we having for lunch?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
