I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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