are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
