I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize