you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize