I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
