I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
