I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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