someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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