so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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