In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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