i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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