he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
