Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
