11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
