Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
