I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
