He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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