I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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