I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
