I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
