when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
