explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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