I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
