Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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