He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
